Why a Positive Mindset Doesn't Work for Everyone

A positive mindset doesn't work for everyone, and that's also why the law of attraction can't work.

You try hard to implement a positive mindset into your life. You try to focus on the good things in your life — the "glass is half full" attitude. But still, it doesn't seem to work. You feel better for a few days, or even weeks, and then you are back. Back in the dark place, your dark place. The place you so desperately want to escape. You feel those uncomfortable feelings again, the negative thoughts creeping in and keeping your mind busy.

It is hard to stay positive in these times. The times when you just want to crawl under a blanket, with a bucket full of ice cream and a slice of pizza, and just want to cry all night. The times when you feel lonely, unloved, ugly, unworthy, useless, paralysed… hopeless. The times when you feel like a failure and you don't know anymore why you should even get out of bed.

Most of us know these times in one way or another, and in different intensities. I have gone through these times as well — quite frequently, actually.

When "Focus on the Good" Didn't Work

When "Focus on the good" and the "law of attraction" became popular some years ago, I was in such a dark place. I tried hard to shift my mindset. I even got a tattoo that says "Focus on the good," so I was really dedicated. It worked a bit, but not fully. And it took quite some time to really achieve some sort of shift.

It made me feel better, yes, but my problems weren't solved, so they came back, again and again. What I could achieve with a more positive mindset was basically distraction. I didn't give my negative thoughts so much space anymore, so the intensity of overwhelming emotions lessened. I thought, "Cool, now I will attract all the good in my life because that's what the law of attraction is like, right?"

And indeed, I found love again. A narcissistic drug addict who even committed minor crimes. Someone who gaslighted me and lied to me in every possible way. Someone I was so crazy in love with that I even gave him all my money to help him out of his depths and get his business running, which I wanted to be a part of. In the end, I lost four years, €30,000, and a piece of my soul. I was crushed, and my heart was shattered.

The law of attraction worked really well. NOT.

When You Blame Yourself

Maybe some of you have had similar experiences. You do everything the books, podcasts, spiritual leaders, and basically the entire social media world told you to do, and still, it somehow doesn't work out. And then you blame yourself. Of course. You must have done something wrong. You weren't dedicated enough. You didn't believe in it properly. You, you, you.

And guess what? That makes your situation even worse. Why? Because this fuels your core problem: your lack of trust, confidence, feeling of worthiness, and lack of self-love. As if you weren't already harsh enough on yourself, now you even blame yourself for not being capable of following the rules for a positive mindset. And the feeling of failure just grows even more.

The Real Reason It Doesn't Work

I think there is a big difference between people who are just facing a burnout or a phase of low mood and those who have severe inner wounds, most probably caused in their childhood. To put it another way: forcing yourself to stay positive does not work for traumatised people. Not at first, at least. It can work, and it most probably does, but you need to work on something else first.

The Step Most People Skip

There is a step before that which most people just try to skip. You need to heal first. You need to start a journey of self-exploration to understand what has happened to you, how that formed and impacted the person you are now.

You need to identify the emotions you have now, find out where they come from in the first place, and then start healing. You basically need to build yourself from scratch to know who you really are and what defines you.

"You can't heal what you don't acknowledge."

— Julia Deuerling